I Hate All Mayos Except This One

[livius drusus]

As some of you might have noted in past posts, I hate mayonnaise. I hate its texture and I hate its taste. There are certain circumstances, however, under which I will use the spooge (chicken salad and deviled eggs leap to mind), and that's when my extra special low fat super tasty homemade mayo comes into play.

Liv's Money Mayo

1 Tblsp cornstarch
1 tsp sugar
3/4 cup buttermilk
2 Tblsp fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 tsp dry mustard
1/2 tsp salt
1 large egg
1 Tblsp olive oil
pinch of cayenne

In a medium saucepan, whisk cornstarch, mustard, sugar, salt, cayenne. Add 1/4 cup buttermilk and whisk until you have a smooth paste. Add egg and remaining 1/2 cup buttermilk and whisk until smooth. Set pan over medium-low heat and cook, whisking, until the mixture comes to a simmer and thickens. Continue to whisk for 15 seconds, then remove from heat.

Whisk in lemon juice and oil. Transfer mayo to a small bowl and press plastic wrap directly onto the surface to prevent skin from forming. Let cool. Will keep in the fridge for about 3 days.

Easy and delicious modifications:

• Aioli - add 2 mashed cloves of garlic, 1 tsp of lemon juice and a pinch of salt in 1/2 cup of mayo.
• Roasted Pepper spread - Chop 1 roasted red pepper into a paste and add to 1/3 cup of mayo along with 1 mashed garlic clove, 1 Tbslp chopped scallions, 1 tsp tomato paste, 1/2 tsp lemon juice, 1/4 tsp cumin.

[wildernesse]

Can you make dry mustard by pounding mustard seeds in a mortar and pestle? Cause if so, I can make this tomorrow with pantry stuff.

[livius drusus]

Yes ma'am, you sure can. Dry mustard is just mustard seeds ground to a fine powder. If you try it, please be sure to report back.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

As some of you might have noted in past posts, I hate mayonnaise. I hate its texture and I hate its taste. There are certain circumstances, however, under which I will use the spooge (chicken salad and deviled eggs leap to mind), and that's when my extra special low fat super tasty homemade mayo comes into play.

Liv's Money Mayo

1 Tblsp cornstarch
1 tsp sugar
3/4 cup buttermilk
2 Tblsp fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 tsp dry mustard
1/2 tsp salt
1 large egg
1 Tblsp olive oil
pinch of cayenne

In a medium saucepan, whisk cornstarch, mustard, sugar, salt, cayenne. Add 1/4 cup buttermilk and whisk until you have a smooth paste. Add egg and remaining 1/2 cup buttermilk and whisk until smooth. Set pan over medium-low heat and cook, whisking, until the mixture comes to a simmer and thickens. Continue to whisk for 15 seconds, then remove from heat.

Whisk in lemon juice and oil. Transfer mayo to a small bowl and press plastic wrap directly onto the surface to prevent skin from forming. Let cool. Will keep in the fridge for about 3 days.

Holy crap, it's Miracle Whip.

[livius drusus]

Why I oughta...

[Socratoad]

Aioli, surely the gods must have dined on this, for how else could they have become gods.

[wei yau]

I'm willing to grant that the taste of this mayo is better than that of Hellman's (the brand I buy). However, how does the texture differ?

Will keep for 3 days only? How much does this make?

[livius drusus]

It's less gloppy, somehow, more silky. Still, it's basically mayo texture which I may hate, but I do acknowledge is necessary in certain admixtures.

It makes 1/2 cup. I've never had a problem with leftovers, but then again, I don't keep it around to slather onto sandwiches and whatnot, but rather use it in batches of things.

[wei yau]

I'll have you know this thread prompted me to make a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo for dinner last night.

The mayo was so nice on the toasted bread that I had to have more. I ended up shoving heaping tablespoons of mayo into my gaping maw. One after the other until my cheeks were distended with enormous amounts of mayo. And as I squeezed with my mouth, the mayo would squish around my teeth and gums. The gloppy mess slowly oozing down my throat. Splatters of mayo dotted the table as dripping chunks would fall from the corners of my mouth. My lips were shiny with grease as I smiled through mayo-coated teeth.

[livius drusus]

Ignore this post. Ignore this post. Ignore this post. Ignore this post. Must Ignore this post.

[wildernesse]

As EEEWWW-y as your post is, eldar, now I kinda want some mayo on toast.

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

1 Tblsp cornstarch
1 tsp sugar
3/4 cup buttermilk
2 Tblsp fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 tsp dry mustard
1/2 tsp salt
1 large egg
1 Tblsp olive oil
pinch of cayenne

In a medium saucepan, whisk cornstarch, mustard, sugar, salt, cayenne. Add 1/4 cup buttermilk and whisk until you have a smooth paste. Add egg and remaining 1/2 cup buttermilk and whisk until smooth. Set pan over medium-low heat and cook, whisking, until the mixture comes to a simmer and thickens. Continue to whisk for 15 seconds, then remove from heat.

Whisk in lemon juice and oil. Transfer mayo to a small bowl and press plastic wrap directly onto the surface to prevent skin from forming. Let cool. Will keep in the fridge for about 3 days.

Wow, that is so much more convenient than buying a jar. The mayo I eat only has 2 ingredients, and I still can't be bothered. I tease because I am envious. I need to get around to starting a bachelor food thread before I starve to death. At this point I can't even have tuna because can't operate either of my can-openers. Best. Diet. Ever.

[livius drusus]

That's not a diet, Ensign. It's malnutrition.

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by eldar

I'll have you know this thread prompted me to make a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo for dinner last night.

The mayo was so nice on the toasted bread that I had to have more. I ended up shoving heaping tablespoons of mayo into my gaping maw. One after the other until my cheeks were distended with enormous amounts of mayo. And as I squeezed with my mouth, the mayo would squish around my teeth and gums. The gloppy mess slowly oozing down my throat. Splatters of mayo dotted the table as dripping chunks would fall from the corners of my mouth. My lips were shiny with grease as I smiled through mayo-coated teeth.

Bukkake Lunchtime - Only at the Freethought Forum!

[Brimshack]

A friend of mine once tried to put mayonaise in my refrigerator. Same bastard who once tried to put mild salsa on one of my tacos.





Contrary to rumor, the man is alive and expected to make a full recovery.

[livius drusus]

A friend of mine once tried to put mayonaise in my refrigerator.

Prefer it out in the sun, do ya?

[wei yau]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

Prefer it out in the sun, do ya?

Ahh, you know that would explain the rather particular hue of his complexion.

[livius drusus]

It does at that. Explains quite a few things about him, really.

[Brimshack]

Y'all are jealous, because I have the best tan here. Once you go green baby!

[Ensign Steve]

Please you to know, I have purchased a human-style can-opener that I can operate with ease! I enjoyed a tuna sandwich for lunch, with lots of mayo. Not just any mayo, either. Lite Mayo. Ohhhhhhhh, yeah. And a diet Dr. Pepper. *burp*

[livius drusus]

If it was an Oxo can opener I'll forgive the rest.

[Ensign Steve]

It can open all kinds of cans.

[Skep]

Can it core a apple?

[wei yau]

I use one of them "safety can" can openers. No sharp edges to slice up my fingers...which I've done before...with those canned hams with the key....shit hurt.

[Godless Wonder]

Originally Posted by wildernesse

Can you make dry mustard by pounding mustard seeds in a mortar and pestle? Cause if so, I can make this tomorrow with pantry stuff.

So, off-topic, but I've been wondering this for awhile. Just how big is a mustard seed, anyhow?