My birthday is coming up this week. My family tends to go with the national holiday model of celebrating on the most convenient weekend so I got my gifts last night. I'm having foot surgery in two weeks and that was the thinking behind many of the gifts. So, without further ado, behold my awesome pimp cane.
Nice cane. Much better than something like this cane made from a bull penis.
They come in fancy-dancy versions that don't require you to touch it.
And I thought fake cows balls hanging from a truck hitch was stupid.
My dad made a cane from a piece of maple he found in the treeline and the brass top of horse harness hames. I was searching for something like it when I ran across penis canes. It looked like the fancy round topped one above, minus the cow penis part. He needed it for a numb leg due to a compressed vertebrae in his lower back.
__________________
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.
__________________
"Her eyes in certain light were violet, and all her teeth were even. That's a rare, fair feature: even teeth. She smiled to excess, but she chewed with real distinction." - Eleanor of Aquitaine
As someone on Facebook pointed out, cannibal rats means that, when it gets there. there should be one very fat, probably slow, rat and a free ship.
__________________
"freedom to differ is not limited to things that do not matter much. That would be a mere shadow of freedom. The test of its substance is the right to differ as to things that touch the heart of the existing order."
- Justice Robert Jackson, West Virginia State Board of Ed. v. Barnette
They never said what happened to the passengers. Guess that's what you get signing up for a 3 hour tour on a 70s boat caught in a storm on the way to the Dominican Republic.
Two missing life boats "fell off". Yeah right. This is why I don't go on cruises.
__________________
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.
As someone on Facebook pointed out, cannibal rats means that, when it gets there. there should be one very fat, probably slow, rat and a free ship.
Funny story. When I worked dangerous crap jobs over my summers in high school/college, I spent some time cleaning up a mess in the basement of a grain elevator. We had to wear respiratory gear because of the rotting grain and because we were fumigating for the rats feeding on it. One of the guys was an exterminator and had inhaled more toxic stuff than probably recommended on the poison control label. He had a stuffed rat he had found there a couple years before. It was so big he thought it was a cat at first. It couldn't get away from him because it's scurry was more of a slow stroll.
Working down there in the dark with a crazy exterminator and surrounded by large fat rats...hmmm...I should write a B or C horror movie. I think I read a short story by Steven King about it once.
I dreamed I got to make out with Viggo Mortensen but I was so nervous my kissing game was not on point and he quickly made an excuse and departed. HURTFUL
I dreamed I got to make out with Viggo Mortensen but I was so nervous my kissing game was not on point and he quickly made an excuse and departed. HURTFUL
Once I put a picture of me in one of those image engines that's supposed to show you what celebrities you look like. My results were: Japanese lady, Other Japanese lady, Viggo Mortensen.
I'm pretty sure I'd be just as nervous making out with Viggarea only you'd never be as cool about it as he was. You'd post in graphic detail about my frenching failures and then everyone would post lolstarnosedmoles in response and I'd be forced to dissociate into my own little world where everything is smooth and nobody is mean to me like you are.
I dreamed I got to make out with Viggo Mortensen but I was so nervous my kissing game was not on point and he quickly made an excuse and departed. HURTFUL
Once I put a picture of me in one of those image engines that's supposed to show you what celebrities you look like. My results were: Japanese lady, Other Japanese lady, Viggo Mortensen.
So, whaddaya say?
Oh, shit. Now you guys all know what I look like!
I'm still signing fake Adrien Brody autographs for strangers.
I got all curious about what this celebrity look alike generator doohicky-mabob was so I doodled it.
My matches included.
David Hasselhoff -56%
Brad Pitt -56%
Matt Dillon -54%
Liam Neeson -54%
Carson Daly -53%
Rod Stewart -53% Serena Williams -53%
Bryan Adams -53%
David Bowie -52%
Anthony LaPaglia -52%
I must be getting older or tanner.
__________________
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.
Short or long hair version? I can't believe Hidalgo was made after LOTR. Do you have a horse or a hobbit by chance?
It was A History of Violence-era Viggo, so short hair. I have neither horse nor hobbit. If I had, obviously I would have offered them to him in return for another chance.
Not wanting to look like Serena Williams I found a more recent photo of me that included my distinguishing gray strands. Entirely different results.
George Clooney -66%
Antonio Banderas -65%
Orlando Bloom -62% Francis Ford Coppola -62%
Simon Cowell -61%
Pierce Brosnan -59%
David Beckham -58%
Pete Sampras -56% Emma Thompson -56%
Aretha Franklin -56%
I've bolded the ones I think they added just to screw with me. How alike do Pete Sampras and Aretha Franklin look? Simon Cowell? I didn't think I looked like an asshole in that picture.
__________________
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.
Al Pacino (50%)
Simon Cowell
Anthony Hopkins
Nick Nolte
Donald Trump
David Hasselhoff
Pedro Almodovar
Harrison Ford
Kofi Annan
Jose Mourinho (46%)
Interesting. Highest "match" was 50%, so I'd say I really don't that much like any of them. No mention of Stephen King (to whom I bear enough of a resemblance--or used to--that I've been asked for his autograph).
I'm pretty sure I'd be just as nervous making out with Viggarea only you'd never be as cool about it as he was. You'd post in graphic detail about my frenching failures and then everyone would post lolstarnosedmoles in response and I'd be forced to dissociate into my own little world where everything is smooth and nobody is mean to me like you are.
Omg this is so amazing! I love it! For some reason it reminds me of some of the monsters from the early Final Fantasy games lol. Star nosed moles are so awesome <3
Attention livius: do NOT follow the above link or unspoiler the image below:
Re: Miscellany
...........
Linear Mode
