Thread for the mysteriously newsworthy

[ChuckF]

I check the Washington Post and the New York Times at least once a day, and I frequently find myself reading an article that really fails to qualify as anything I can imagine anyone at all could ever give a single fuck about. For example. It has quotes and everything, and I kind of hope that the author just made them up instead of actually going and soliciting. It makes me sad to imagine somebody in the Post newsroom going around to various DC area places where the youngs hang out and looking for people with cracked cell phone screens and then asking about them.

So, in order to validate the existence of these kinds of articles, I will put them here for . I invite your contributions, and propose a few ground rules to avoid inundating the thread with mundane inanities (i.e. mundaninating the thread) and saving it for the finer specimens, like this hilariously out-of-touch travel piece from the Times. Therefore:

1. I know that CNN.com kind of beat me to this idea years ago when it decided to focus on becoming an aggregator of this kind of content. No CNN.com content.
2. No cable news/HuffPo/similar content at all. See above.
3. Extra points will be awarded for articles that appear in national print media.
4. Points will be deducted for local television news stories.

[lisarea]

You know how good the NYT Style section is at non-stories?

These two are both on the front page there right now, and I went there knowing that they would be, because that is how low they hang their fruit.

Making a Word Meme - NYTimes.com

This story is about how, you know how that lady wrote that book, and she was all like, "Lean in"? Well, we saw some other people saying "lean in" also, including some bumblefuck right here in our very own office creating an annoying, if not outright hostile, workplace by walking around asking his female coworkers if they were leaning in today. (Correct answer: "My fist is getting ready to lean into your face, tiddlywink.")

Kale Salads Are Hot in Manhattan Social Circles - NYTimes.com

This story is about how kale salads are extremely hip and with-it with today's hip and with-it youth. You can tell this is a trend piece because it is a story about kale salads with no instructions of any sort for making a kale salad.

Also don't miss the final line:

Perhaps kale’s fashion moment was best explained by Kate Moss, who once said, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

[Ymir's blood]

I check the Freethought Forum Talk Thingie at least once a day, and I frequently find myself reading a thread that really fails to qualify as anything I can imagine anyone at all could ever give a single fuck about. For example. It has links and everything, and I kind of hope that the author just found them somewhere instead of actually going and looking. It makes me sad to imagine somebody in the Freethought chatroom going around to various Internet places where the newbs hang out and looking for people with lame hyperlinks and then asking about them.

[Dingfod]

Secret recipe for Coca-Cola found at an estate sale, finder-keeper thinks it might be worth brazillions of simoleans. What difference could that possibly make to anyone, not even Coca-Cola uses the original recipe? No cocaine, for one thing.

[chunksmediocrites]

Originally Posted by Ymir's blood

I check the Freethought Forum Talk Thingie at least once a day, and I frequently find myself reading a thread that really fails to qualify as anything I can imagine anyone at all could ever give a single fuck about. For example. It has links and everything, and I kind of hope that the author just found them somewhere instead of actually going and looking. It makes me sad to imagine somebody in the Freethought chatroom going around to various Internet places where the newbs hang out and looking for people with lame hyperlinks and then asking about them.

Hey fuck you, buddeh! I. Am. Right. Here.

[Demimonde]

Oh god. So I would actually have to read national news outlets in order to contribute to this thread?


Pass.


















I will be watching and loling though. Don't let me down.

[But]

Scientists caught neutrinos from another galaxy.

Detector ICE CUBE

[ZEZOZE]

[ImGod]

Originally Posted by ChuckF

I check the Washington Post and the New York Times at least once a day, and I frequently find myself reading an article that really fails to qualify as anything I can imagine anyone at all could ever give a single fuck about. For example. It has quotes and everything, and I kind of hope that the author just made them up instead of actually going and soliciting. It makes me sad to imagine somebody in the Post newsroom going around to various DC area places where the youngs hang out and looking for people with cracked cell phone screens and then asking about them.

I'm not sure which is worse.

1) You posting a link to this crap.
2) Me clicking it and reading the whole article.
3) This quote at the end.

The fragility of the phone means, you cracked it, Bauerlein says, but, look, it still works!

“So it survived,” Bauerlein said. “And that extends to you. You’re worldly wise. You have a kind of toughness. You’re a survivor.”

I'd say 3) but 2) probably wins out 'cause I could have stopped at any time.

I got wasted and dropped my phone in the toilet at the bar last week. But it still works. I'm a survivior.

[But]

I have some debris from a schmartphone here that almost survived a "shower by beer".

[BrotherMan]

It's a shame when I can win a thrad so quickly and so easily. What is coming to?

Big rig carrying fruit crashes on 210 Freeway

Monday’s morning commute started off horribly for drivers in the San Gabriel Valley when a big rig carrying fruit overturned on the 210, blocking lanes in both directions in Monrovia for most of the morning.

The big rig crashed through the center divider just before 5 a.m. near Myrtle Avenue. Three westbound lanes and two eastbound lanes will be blocked until about 9:15 a.m., according to the California Highway Patrol.

When you go to the story you'll see why this is national news.

[Ymir's blood]

Because of this linked story?

17 bodies removed from California funeral home - latimes.com

I should cross post to my skull's out thread.

[ceptimus]

nm

[Gonzo]

Originally Posted by lisarea

You know how good the NYT Style section is at non-stories?

These two are both on the front page there right now, and I went there knowing that they would be, because that is how low they hang their fruit.

Making a Word Meme - NYTimes.com

This thread is awesome. And... where have I heard that before.

[ImGod]

GAAAHHH!!!!

[Adam]

Why would an increased popularity of PBR lead to rising prices for the big three cheap light beers? Drinking PBR as an alternative to the big three should lead to decreased demand and lower prices.

The answer? It hasn't! Despite the Fox article claiming that:

A recent study by Restaurant Sciences found that low-cost beers like Budweiser, Miller Light and Coors Light are going up thanks to the rise in popularity of Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR)-- favorite among the community of bearded men in skinny jeans.

...it turns out that:

Since 2009, sales of Bud Light, Budweiser, Miller Lite, and Miller Genuine Draft have all declined steadily. Pabst Blue Ribbon, meanwhile, saw its sales volume jump by 25.4% in 2009 alone before climbing by 17.6% in 2010 and 13.8% in 2011, according to Beer Marketer's Insights.

[lisarea]

Ummm, yeah, but hipsters.

Did you ever think of that, Adem? They're ruining everything, and here you go nitpicking.

[Adam]

Hipsters! I always knew it was them! Even when it was the bears, I knew it was them!

[ImGod]

I thought alcoholics drove up the price of cheap beer.

What else might?

Maybe a recession.

[SR71]

PBR? SRSLY??? That's kid stuff. We used to fill the back of Winky's 63 Ford pickup two feet deep with empties. Wanna know why? CHEAP! That's WHY! Hipsters. Jeebus!

[ImGod]

The best cheap Pabst product is Old Milwaukee. Which rates a 0 at Ratebeer.com

I think we bought this for $5 a case when I was in highschool. I mean when I first turned 21.

Best tasting laxative ever invented.

[Adam]

Well, yah. Despite the hand wringing about the hipsters and their beards and their skinny jeans, the main reason PBR is popular is that it's cheap.

[The Lone Ranger]

Originally Posted by Ymir's blood

I check the Freethought Forum Talk Thingie at least once a day, and I frequently find myself reading a thread that really fails to qualify as anything I can imagine anyone at all could ever give a single fuck about. For example. It has links and everything ...

Nobody forces you to read my posts, you know ...

[LadyShea]

BBC News - Vatican denies Pope Francis performed 'exorcism'

[Ymir's blood]

Originally Posted by LadyShea

BBC News - Vatican denies Pope Francis performed 'exorcism'

So the dude is still possessed? WTF?