How to become a billionaire ....

alphamale · #1 10-28-2005, 08:05 AM

.. if you're an indian (bow and arrow, not 7/11). Get a few other indians, call yourself a tribe, contact the gaming interests - their lawyers and lobbyists will do the rest. After the casino is built, watch the loot roll in!

Godless Dave · #2 10-28-2005, 08:27 AM

Sounds like a great plan. Of course, you have to make an arrangement with the government of the state your reservation is in, and you can't just call yourself a tribe, you have to be recognized by the BIA.

Never hit on 15, no matter what the dealer is showing. Always double down on 11.

alphamale · #3 10-28-2005, 08:35 AM

Quote:

you have to be recognized by the BIA

That's easy!

Carnivale Ed · #4 10-28-2005, 08:45 AM

...if you're a white guy (musket and sabre, not albino). Get a few other white guys, call yourself settlers, contact the Queen - her army and navy will do the rest. After the savages are pacified, watch the loot roll in!

Godless Dave · #5 10-28-2005, 08:55 AM

I prefer Wisconsin casinos to the ones in Minnesota because they have poker and they serve alcohol. I like to drink when I'm gambling. The downside is when you end up at a card table full of obnoxious drunks. When the pit boss spends all her time hovering near your table, it's not because she likes you and wants you to flirt with her.

alphamale · #6 10-28-2005, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carnivale Ed

...if you're a white guy (musket and sabre, not albino). Get a few other white guys, call yourself settlers, contact the Queen - her army and navy will do the rest. After the savages are pacified, watch the loot roll in!

The savages have become definitely unpacified in africa - think how much better off they'd be if the Queen's forces never left.

if you're a white guy (musket and sabre, not albino).

Godless Dave · #7 10-28-2005, 09:26 AM

Yeah, they were so much better off slaving away in mines and getting their hands chopped off when they slacked off.

alphamale · #8 10-28-2005, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godless Dave

Yeah, they were so much better off slaving away in mines and getting their hands chopped off when they slacked off.

Yaaa ... certainly much better than the Rwanda Genocide and starving in Zimbabwe.

Carnivale Ed · #9 10-28-2005, 09:44 AM

Wait, wait, I've got another ...

...if you're another white guy (cell phone and briefcase, not NRA). Get a few other white guys, call yourself Halliburton, contact the President - his lackeys and cronies will do the rest. After the war is started, watch the loot roll in!

I could do this all night.

livius drusus · #10 10-28-2005, 12:23 PM

Please do. :yup:

Jacey · #11 10-28-2005, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godless Dave

I prefer Wisconsin casinos to the ones in Minnesota because they have poker and they serve alcohol. I like to drink when I'm gambling. The downside is when you end up at a card table full of obnoxious drunks. When the pit boss spends all her time hovering near your table, it's not because she likes you and wants you to flirt with her.

Foxwoods baby........o yea

Johnny Pneumatic · #12 10-28-2005, 02:12 PM

Start your own religion. Or at least appeal to religious people to join your megachurch, based on Christianity. 5,000+ people, all paying tithes to a non-taxed organisation, every Sunday, adds up. Oh, to be in the 700^3.2 Club!

Carnivale Ed · #13 10-28-2005, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by livius drusus

Please do. :yup:

Okay, you talked me into it...

...if you're a geek (glasses and pocket protector, not me). Get a few other geeks, call yourself Microsoft, contact Steve Jobs - stealing all his work will do the rest. After Windows is full of bugs, watch the loot roll in!

Clutch Munny · #14 10-28-2005, 03:34 PM

The real trick to the First Nations plan is being part of the 3% that survive the genocide. After that, well, everything's gravy...

Carnivale Ed · #15 10-28-2005, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clutch Munny

The real trick to the First Nations plan is being part of the 3% that survive the genocide. After that, well, everything's gravy...

I'm still unclear, though. What gives better odds? Genocide dodge or roulette?

Adam · #16 10-28-2005, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alphamale

.. if you're an indian (bow and arrow, not 7/11). Get a few other indians, call yourself a tribe, contact the gaming interests - their lawyers and lobbyists will do the rest. After the casino is built, watch the loot roll in!

Wait, wait, I have another. If you're a slithering pile of human excrement (Jack Abramoff, not actual sewage), make a bunch of high level government contacts (Tom Delay, not anyone with a conscience), then find two of the aforementioned tribes and get them each to pay you millions of dollars to use your government contacts shut the other down! Make sure not to tell either tribe that you're also working for the other!

livius drusus · #17 10-28-2005, 05:14 PM

Touchfuckingé, my friend. :lol:

Dingfod · #18 10-29-2005, 01:01 AM

Ordinarily I would put this thread on Ignore, but it's so fucking funny, I can't.

Adora · #19 10-29-2005, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godless Dave

Yeah, they were so much better off slaving away in mines and getting their hands chopped off when they slacked off.

I thought the Hands of Darkness were part of the Belgium rubber trade, not mines.

Clutch Munny · #20 10-29-2005, 03:47 PM

Well, this one's like clubbing baby seals, but:

Make sure your dad is head of the CIA, vice-president, and president. Then, get given a series of positions in businesses for which you hold neither talent nor interest, lurch from one incompetence to another, putting each company you touch into the crapper. Emerge richer from each disaster thanks to super-corporations who want your dad's influence. Your personal enrichment may have to slow down for a few years while you work at a public salary in order to funnel vast wealth back to your benefactors by destroying your country's economy and reputation and the sovereignty of various other nations. But you can go back to your preferred job as massively overcompensated shill soon enough.

alphamale · #21 10-29-2005, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clutch Munny

Well, this one's like clubbing baby seals, but:

Make sure your dad is head of the CIA, vice-president, and president. Then, get given a series of positions in businesses for which you hold neither talent nor interest, lurch from one incompetence to another, putting each company you touch into the crapper. Emerge richer from each disaster thanks to super-corporations who want your dad's influence. Your personal enrichment may have to slow down for a few years while you work at a public salary in order to funnel vast wealth back to your benefactors by destroying your country's economy and reputation and the sovereignty of various other nations. But you can go back to your preferred job as massively overcompensated shill soon enough.

Boring

Dingfod · #22 10-29-2005, 09:53 PM

Don't like it when they hit too close to home, Bushlicker?